The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure

Yesterday evening, the gang played what should end up being the penultimate installment of our longstanding Pathfinder campaign.

This particular campaign has been going on for over a year, finding its start somewhere toward the beginning of last summer when Finn decided he wanted to GM a game that I’ve now started calling “The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure.” Although it could probably be more aptly named “This Isn’t Windwaker with Frogs, I Swear,” I feel the first name still fits it pretty well.

Our wonderful, year-long adventure has taken many twists and turns that would probably confuse those who weren’t there at the time. In fact, as someone who was at nearly every session, I still have a hard time remembering exactly what happened and, more importantly, why.

Because this information is highly entertaining and nonsensical, I present to you the amusing antics of our Pathfinder campaign. Because these antics are quite difficult to put into a narrative style (and because I don’t quite remember what happened), I present them to you as bullet points.

Over the course of our campaign:

  • We were kidnapped and slated to be sold as slaves
  • We escaped the slave ship, partially with the help of Eric’s character’s pet extra-planar water-dog
  • We had many problems medicating Eric’s character, Elizabeth, who was a schizophrenic whose alignment changed from good to evil spontaneously
  • Scout’s character, Oliver, asked trees for directions
  • We ended up stranded in an archipelago of islands inhabited by frog people
    • A giant, magical wall of water that inexplicably appeared one day trapped us there
  • Frog people were really racist
  • We started working for the Frog Queen after becoming fugitives of the state (?) (I wasn’t there for that part)
  • We visited islands named Felt and Flannel
  • Atsuko’s character accidentally got high and/or drunk multiple times
    • One time, this occurred after taking questionable drugs for schizophrenia obtained from a frog-person “alchemist” named Dunspurce McGill
    • Dunspurce ended up being the worst and also a recurring character
  • Atsuko also obtained a baby dragon
  • Our characters were physically injured by music at a rap concert
    • The concert of Gangstalicious and Thugnificent, to be exact, who just happened to be Eric’s character’s (Elizabeth’s) idols
  • We somehow procured a magical sword that glowed when in the possession of the rightful king
  • It was stolen by the 3rd Street Saints, who were working with Gangstalicious and Thugnificent
    • We stole it back, though
  • Still, Gangstalicious and Thugnificent imprisoned the Frog Queen and took over the country
  • Dunspurce picked up the sword and turns out he wAS FREAKING THE PROMISED KING
  • The frog-monks at the Temple of the Song (I think?) somehow turned Dunspurce McGill into a useful member of society
  • Our characters launched a campaign to retake the country for the “Twice-promised King”
    • This involved convincing an independent state of toad-people to aid us
  • We got into a fight with a magicproofed Lamborghini
  • Elizabeth summoned a T-Rex to fight the Lamborghini
    • That’s right, T-Rex v. Lamborghini
    • We affectionately named the T-Rex the “Fritzosaurus Rex” because it made cat sounds
  • Our werewolf-elemental Kitsune turned himself to stone and bull-rushed a magicproofed Lamborghini
    • And the Lamborghini won
    • We still rekt it though

So yeah! That’s just a brief, disjointed recap! Although I don’t have much evidence of what transpired, I do have this picture of our latest fight, taken toward the end of last session:

image
I’ll just leave you with that.

Now I’m going to draw a map of a couple of fictional continents with the hopes that I read enough articles online to know what I’m doing.

Yeah, I know that Wikipedia articles on plate tectonics don’t count as useful information. Whatever! I do what I want!