Yesterday evening, the gang played what should end up being the penultimate installment of our longstanding Pathfinder campaign.
This particular campaign has been going on for over a year, finding its start somewhere toward the beginning of last summer when Finn decided he wanted to GM a game that I’ve now started calling “The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure.” Although it could probably be more aptly named “This Isn’t Windwaker with Frogs, I Swear,” I feel the first name still fits it pretty well.
Our wonderful, year-long adventure has taken many twists and turns that would probably confuse those who weren’t there at the time. In fact, as someone who was at nearly every session, I still have a hard time remembering exactly what happened and, more importantly, why.
Because this information is highly entertaining and nonsensical, I present to you the amusing antics of our Pathfinder campaign. Because these antics are quite difficult to put into a narrative style (and because I don’t quite remember what happened), I present them to you as bullet points.
Over the course of our campaign:
- We were kidnapped and slated to be sold as slaves
- We escaped the slave ship, partially with the help of Eric’s character’s pet extra-planar water-dog
- We had many problems medicating Eric’s character, Elizabeth, who was a schizophrenic whose alignment changed from good to evil spontaneously
- Scout’s character, Oliver, asked trees for directions
- We ended up stranded in an archipelago of islands inhabited by frog people
- A giant, magical wall of water that inexplicably appeared one day trapped us there
- Frog people were really racist
- We started working for the Frog Queen after becoming fugitives of the state (?) (I wasn’t there for that part)
- We visited islands named Felt and Flannel
- Atsuko’s character accidentally got high and/or drunk multiple times
- One time, this occurred after taking questionable drugs for schizophrenia obtained from a frog-person “alchemist” named Dunspurce McGill
- Dunspurce ended up being the worst and also a recurring character
- Atsuko also obtained a baby dragon
- Our characters were physically injured by music at a rap concert
- The concert of Gangstalicious and Thugnificent, to be exact, who just happened to be Eric’s character’s (Elizabeth’s) idols
- We somehow procured a magical sword that glowed when in the possession of the rightful king
- It was stolen by the 3rd Street Saints, who were working with Gangstalicious and Thugnificent
- We stole it back, though
- Still, Gangstalicious and Thugnificent imprisoned the Frog Queen and took over the country
- Dunspurce picked up the sword and turns out he wAS FREAKING THE PROMISED KING
- The frog-monks at the Temple of the Song (I think?) somehow turned Dunspurce McGill into a useful member of society
- Our characters launched a campaign to retake the country for the “Twice-promised King”
- This involved convincing an independent state of toad-people to aid us
- We got into a fight with a magicproofed Lamborghini
- Elizabeth summoned a T-Rex to fight the Lamborghini
- That’s right, T-Rex v. Lamborghini
- We affectionately named the T-Rex the “Fritzosaurus Rex” because it made cat sounds
- Our werewolf-elemental Kitsune turned himself to stone and bull-rushed a magicproofed Lamborghini
- And the Lamborghini won
- We still rekt it though
So yeah! That’s just a brief, disjointed recap! Although I don’t have much evidence of what transpired, I do have this picture of our latest fight, taken toward the end of last session:
Now I’m going to draw a map of a couple of fictional continents with the hopes that I read enough articles online to know what I’m doing.
Yeah, I know that Wikipedia articles on plate tectonics don’t count as useful information. Whatever! I do what I want!