The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure

Yesterday evening, the gang played what should end up being the penultimate installment of our longstanding Pathfinder campaign.

This particular campaign has been going on for over a year, finding its start somewhere toward the beginning of last summer when Finn decided he wanted to GM a game that I’ve now started calling “The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure.” Although it could probably be more aptly named “This Isn’t Windwaker with Frogs, I Swear,” I feel the first name still fits it pretty well.

Our wonderful, year-long adventure has taken many twists and turns that would probably confuse those who weren’t there at the time. In fact, as someone who was at nearly every session, I still have a hard time remembering exactly what happened and, more importantly, why.

Because this information is highly entertaining and nonsensical, I present to you the amusing antics of our Pathfinder campaign. Because these antics are quite difficult to put into a narrative style (and because I don’t quite remember what happened), I present them to you as bullet points.

Over the course of our campaign:

  • We were kidnapped and slated to be sold as slaves
  • We escaped the slave ship, partially with the help of Eric’s character’s pet extra-planar water-dog
  • We had many problems medicating Eric’s character, Elizabeth, who was a schizophrenic whose alignment changed from good to evil spontaneously
  • Scout’s character, Oliver, asked trees for directions
  • We ended up stranded in an archipelago of islands inhabited by frog people
    • A giant, magical wall of water that inexplicably appeared one day trapped us there
  • Frog people were really racist
  • We started working for the Frog Queen after becoming fugitives of the state (?) (I wasn’t there for that part)
  • We visited islands named Felt and Flannel
  • Atsuko’s character accidentally got high and/or drunk multiple times
    • One time, this occurred after taking questionable drugs for schizophrenia obtained from a frog-person “alchemist” named Dunspurce McGill
    • Dunspurce ended up being the worst and also a recurring character
  • Atsuko also obtained a baby dragon
  • Our characters were physically injured by music at a rap concert
    • The concert of Gangstalicious and Thugnificent, to be exact, who just happened to be Eric’s character’s (Elizabeth’s) idols
  • We somehow procured a magical sword that glowed when in the possession of the rightful king
  • It was stolen by the 3rd Street Saints, who were working with Gangstalicious and Thugnificent
    • We stole it back, though
  • Still, Gangstalicious and Thugnificent imprisoned the Frog Queen and took over the country
  • Dunspurce picked up the sword and turns out he wAS FREAKING THE PROMISED KING
  • The frog-monks at the Temple of the Song (I think?) somehow turned Dunspurce McGill into a useful member of society
  • Our characters launched a campaign to retake the country for the “Twice-promised King”
    • This involved convincing an independent state of toad-people to aid us
  • We got into a fight with a magicproofed Lamborghini
  • Elizabeth summoned a T-Rex to fight the Lamborghini
    • That’s right, T-Rex v. Lamborghini
    • We affectionately named the T-Rex the “Fritzosaurus Rex” because it made cat sounds
  • Our werewolf-elemental Kitsune turned himself to stone and bull-rushed a magicproofed Lamborghini
    • And the Lamborghini won
    • We still rekt it though

So yeah! That’s just a brief, disjointed recap! Although I don’t have much evidence of what transpired, I do have this picture of our latest fight, taken toward the end of last session:

image
I’ll just leave you with that.

Now I’m going to draw a map of a couple of fictional continents with the hopes that I read enough articles online to know what I’m doing.

Yeah, I know that Wikipedia articles on plate tectonics don’t count as useful information. Whatever! I do what I want!

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Bible Study

Tonight Fritz and I, inadvertently, attended a very crowded Bible study.

Not that we would’ve avoided the Bible study. It’s just that I was simply told, “Dinner tonight, bring a friend!” My entire thought process was, naturally, “People I like? Food? Yiss!”

No lie. That was basically all I thought.

I’m not sure if I dragged Fritz with me or if he came of his own accord, but when we arrived we were the only guests in the house. We were greeted by my Bible study leader, Clara, and her husband, who are both very nice. In spite of this fact, I was left with a fleeting moment of panic where I wondered if we were the only people who would be showing up.

Quite the contrary, past self. It just so happens that you wouldn’t know anyone else who showed up.

Conversation started disjointedly, with swapped stories about experiences, past or present, at the University of Nerds and Premeds. Fritz launched into a rather elaborate description of tabletop RPGs, which was met with confusion by a pair of UNP graduate students and a knowing smirk from Clara’s husband. After probably half an hour of various stories about working in medical professions, a blessing was said, and we were called to a meal.

Second panic attack: I am an absurdly picky eater. I was afraid I’d offend someone by not expressing extreme pleasure in eating everything.

Turns out, I ate basically everything there.

We were then given very simple hymnals, and the whole table was led in a couple of songs accompanied by a guitar. It was one of those awkward sing-alongs where you certainly don’t know the songs, and you’re not sure if everyone else does or not, but they’re not giving you any clues that they’re lost.

It was nice, though. We did a Bible reading, a short lesson that involved everyone reading aloud, and then groups broke off and began talking about anything and everything. I felt extremely awkward, sitting at the table as Fritz proved himself to be a conversationalist beside me, but eventually several women (and a bowl of chocolate—free, dark chocolate, guys) got me to open up and chat about moving into the dorms. I was just getting to relaying some stories about the misadventures of Sapphire, Fritz, June and Finn when I realized that almost everyone had left.

Fritz and I left and managed to get back with minor incident, the only hiccup perhaps that I’d forgotten to turn on the GPS before I’d turned the car on.

All in all, it was lovely. There was Bible study, music, nice people, and conversation about art, writing, science and math.

And we even came away with leftovers. In boxes with little smiley faces on them.

(Like this –> 🙂 )

Moral of the story: go on adventures and talk to people, because it may ultimately be fun, even if, in the beginning, you’re not doing what you want.