Things Irritated-Sapphire Says

Sapphire: Boys are dumb and deserve…

Me: Oh, haha, I thought you said, “Boys are dumb as dessert,” since I’m used to Finn saying “X is dumb as rocks.”

Sapphire: Boys are dumb as rocks. Boys are dumber than rocks! At least rocks know when to be quiet!

Old Pictures We Will Never Live Down

I was sifting through the photos on my iPad last night while Sapphire was reading a fantasy book on her phone. What I found once I got past all of the mundane college pictures made me giggle manically. They remind me of old times (and things our kids will be able to hold over us, probably.) I told Finn I was going to post them—I didn’t lie, did I?

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This one is the least horrible—in fact, I think it’s rather cute, honestly. ^^ What boy could resist Scout’s boy-catching face when she was wearing a Burger King crown?

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Finn found the box his church set up to collect stuff for him to take to college with him. When asked why he climbed in it, he responded, “It was my box, dangit!”

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Unhappy Finn is unhappy about Sherly and I making him go on the Tower of Terror three times, and we know why.

(You did this to meeeee!!!)

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This is what happens when Finn is late for a movie we agreed to see. (There are more where this came from, but this one was my favorite.)

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Natalia, my sister, is the most attractive person on the planet, bar none.

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No objections will be accepted.

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A meme my other sister, Katniss, made and saved to my iPad.

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I had never made a duck-face before. I feel I succeeded.

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Actually, this one is relatively recent. This was both amusing and disturbing.

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Finn and Eric’s sister is the queen of boy-catching faces. (I actually really love this picture; it always makes me laugh. If Pinky wants it taken down, though, I can delete it.)

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Another of Scout’s boy-catching faces, and proof that she is unable to actually look legitimately unattractive making faces.

Sorry, guys… Are you ready to kill me yet? I mean, I know most people don’t put embarrassing pictures of themselves on the internet, but I do what I want!

College Life: A Photo Summary

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A beautiful picture edited by Finn himself.

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Sometimes store brand ice cream constitutes a meal.

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Sometimes a meal is just a rice bowl full of potatoes.

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This is why we can’t have nice things.

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Finn is not amuse.

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Sapphire’s eighteenth birthday present.

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In case you were wondering what June’s Chemistry notes look like…

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#RecyclingSwag

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Don’t mind us, we’re just in an Arby’s at midnight.

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Eric wishes we’d paid attention to his Magic lesson.

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Srsly, university student? Han shot first.

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That there’s a demon.
(The dryer popped open on its own after about thirty minutes and spat Finn’s clothing all over the floor.)

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STARBUCKS TRUCK GIVING AWAY STARBUCKS ENERGY DRINKS! Heck yes.

Antics: “God bless these fat bears.”

The following story includes amateur ukulele playing, unusual selfies, face-palm moments and (originally) contrived tomfoolery.

Yesterday, Sherly, Finn, Marty and I were slated to film the fight scene from our (eternally unfinished) student film, “Apocalypse, Pls.” These filming sessions are notorious for being unproductive and amusing–so much so that Sherly suggested I bring my iPad to document the misadventures that would, undoubtedly, result from the NFPs’ inability to focus.

(If you’re curious, the fight scene involves an epic showdown between Finn’s character, Ivan Yuri, and Marty’s, Sozai. Ivan has the power to control electricity, while Sozai can stop hearts with his hands.)

Sherly was spot-on, as usual.

The first hour or so was spent with us getting lost on the internet, Finn playing the “Adventure Time” theme song on my ukulele, and someone somehow running across this beauty.

Yes, that is a seductive banana, in case you were wondering.

Marty made a few fashion statements, as well.

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We also took pictures for the cover of an album of Finn and Scout’s band, “God Bless These Fat Bears.” (I will not post said pictures due to Finn antics.)

Finally, Sherly, giving in and accepting the inevitable (that we would not be getting anything done), proposed we go outside and have a misadventure that I could blog about.

After grabbing a soda or two and my ukulele, we wandered into the overgrown field around the church without looking back.

“All right, we need to have a goal,” Sherly insisted.

Marty, Finn and I pointed out that it was amusing that she was planning our misadventure.

“No, we need to have something we’re trying to do so that we can fail to do it.”

Hmm. Not a bad summary of what it means to have a misadventure, actually.

We decided that we wanted to get to the “river” that ran close by. Not a difficult goal; it wasn’t far away.

The problem was, about this time, Finn was struck with a startling revelation.

“We’re locked out of the church!”

Finn, who was the only one present who was a member of the church we’ve been using as a setting for our movie, was supposed to carry a key with him so that we could get inside when no one was there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten it in his haste to get outside and have an adventure.

“I thought to ask you, but I figured you would be offended that I was insinuating you were forgetting something that important,” Sherly remarked as he freaked out. His laughed response was, “No, I would’ve been all, “Oh shoot, I forgot the keys!”

The following hour was spent standing beside the river that was our set destination, playing tunes on the ukulele, writing country music (“Once upon a time I cared what people thought, but now my life is a Japanese pop song.“), hearing stories from Marty that we didn’t want to hear, casting celebrities to play our Apocalypse, Pls characters and listening as Finn tried to call someone to come unlock the church.

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Marty also escaped.

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We were swinging on the playground when a car pulled into the parking lot.

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Finn left Sherly and I to sit and have a conversation, a conversation that was, apparently, so enthralling that we didn’t notice him opening and slamming the door behind us for a solid minute.

Shortly after we were readmitted to the church, Sherly had to leave. We went outside to wait for her mother, who was completely, entirely on time. (This is a bit odd to NFPs such as Finn and I.) The last thing we heard from her was incoherent muttering as she crossed the parking lot.

Finn and I made “Lolwut?” faces at each other, then laughed and hurried back to make sure we hadn’t locked ourselves out again.

Antics summary #2: Always ask the question that shouldn’t need asking, because sometimes we NFPs overlook important things when we’re busy doing what we want! 

Antics: “I’m a vampire now, you guys.”

Two days ago, Finn sent out an email in an attempt to commission us to give blood for his scholarship drive. He cited his apparent vampirism as the reason that we should come out and allow ourselves to be stabbed in the arm with a thick needle. (“I’ve got a hankerin that only your blood will satisfy.”)

A few hours later, I was sitting across from his youth pastor, having a casual conversation about the fact that Finn’s roommate has all but been confirmed to be a panda serial killer. (What does that mean? Would it be a panda that killed people, a person that killed pandas, or a panda that killed pandas? I guess Finn’ll find out.)

It was after drinking a small can of apple juice and eating a fudge bar that Finn insisted I needed (wink-wink–well, it was free), already having overcome the slight dizziness that came with having a pint of blood removed, that antics began.

It started with being told a story that I could have gone my whole life without hearing, and steadily progressed until Eric was showing us pictures of pandas and other cute animals making rude gestures. Finn also managed to make the same rude gesture in a picture that Kitty ended up sending to a friend of hers. The whole time, I found myself shouting, half laughing, half crying, “We’re in a church, you guys! Respect pls pls pls…”

Our friend, Kitty, who is the original vegan of our group, showed up and attempted to give blood, but got turned down, not because of an iron deficiency, but because she recently took a cruise to Mexico. Finn gave her an “I Make a Difference” sticker; he had written with a Sharpie over the blank spot for a name, “Mexico wouldn’t let me.”

We decided that we needed to call Sherly in an attempt to get her up at the church. Although she (understandably, and wisely) was told she couldn’t come, we talked with her over the speaker of my cell phone for an unnecessarily long time.

During the call, Finn and I discovered how completely enthralling the concept of apple juice in a can was. Mesmerized, we took a picture of ourselves with the can and sent it to her. (We put the phone in the picture too, because phone-ception!)

Somewhere along the way, after Kitty left and Sherly patiently told us she had to get off of the phone, Finn counted up the number of people who had successfully given blood and decided we needed to take action. (Note: For Finn to be eligible for the scholarship, he had to have 25 people donate–at this point he had had 19.) With permission from the pastor (sort of), we raided the church’s costume closet.

Finn put me in the donkey costume. Our friend Marty, who gave red blood cells instead of whole blood (which involved being hooked up to a cool machine and sitting for an hour), was a Roman warrior. Eric, as recompense for distasteful (and somewhat hilarious) jokes made earlier and an unwillingness to dress up, was forced to be a mustard bottle. A sort of dented mustard bottle. Waving American flags.

We gathered signs, put the finishing touches on our costumes, and insisted that we would not exploit Jesus to get people to give blood (although Finn thought someone wearing a Jesus costume would be effective). Finn marched us down the hall and unveiled us to the world.

Fantastic.

Thrilled

We were shown to our posts (me to a solitary spot on one side of the road, facing the quickly-moving traffic, and Marty and Eric to the other side, facing the slow-moving traffic–did I mention it was five o’clock?), told to bring ’em in, and then left to fend for ourselves.

The heat was a bit… uncomfortable. Especially in a thick donkey suit. One man driving by rolled down his window and asked, “Have you no shame?”

We quickly, and honestly, replied, “No, not really.”

Finn showed up again with two young girls, Pinky Hooper (Finn and Eric’s younger sister) and her friend. One was in a ketchup bottle costume that complemented Eric’s, and the other was a fairy.

The two girls were stationed facing the slow traffic, meaning that Marty (and eventually Eric) came to join me. A girl who was coming for the fellowship dinner pulled her car up into the grass and blasted music for us to dance to.

Eric jokingly shouted contradictions just to be… well, contrary. Marty danced the only way he knew how–seductively. I awkwardly shuffled about and waved.

It wasn’t until Gangnam Style came on, when Finn had returned with a, “Gee, I sure feel like saving lives today,” sign of his own creation, that I started to feel dizzy.

The younger girls and I went inside, and I was promptly ushered into a chair and given water by a woman working the blood drive. The rest of the advertising committee soon followed.

Activity lulled as the last stragglers trickled in. The girl who had let us borrow her car told us about her college/carrer plans, and we fist-bumped in agreement when we discovered that we both write our passwords in foreign languages. Finn gave blood, since he had been put off until the end of the day. Churchgoers got free ice cream, I tried to call my parents, who were at our church and, thus, not answering, and mini bundt cakes were distributed.

Around evening, after I had confirmed that my family was sending someone to come get me, I wandered outside and watched as Finn borrowed carts that were sitting in front of the Red Cross truck and surfed them across the parking lot. A few almost-collisions with a dumpster aside, nobody was harmed.

Not a bad day, all in all.

Antics summary number 1, otherwise to be interpreted as the moral of the story: If you see teenagers dancing on the side of the road in costume in order to advertise a blood drive, stop, because there will undoubtedly be amusing misadventures to take part in (or at least observe).

After all, as impulsive, slightly insane teenagers,

We (apparently) do what we want.