Sweatpants

Finn: Beau’s sweatpants are comfy. 

Sapphire: INORITE!!

(Context: Finn had to borrow sweatpants from Sapphire, who had stolen them from Beau.)

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Things Irritated-Sapphire Says

Sapphire: Boys are dumb and deserve…

Me: Oh, haha, I thought you said, “Boys are dumb as dessert,” since I’m used to Finn saying “X is dumb as rocks.”

Sapphire: Boys are dumb as rocks. Boys are dumber than rocks! At least rocks know when to be quiet!

College: A Photo Summary, Year 2

A lot seems to have changed in the year since we began our stint here at UNP. Campus isn’t as intimidating. Sapphire and I are not strangers. Nothing seems as big (or as scary), and in general everything seems a lot less exciting than it did as starry-eyed freshmen reveling in our first tastes of freedom. Of course, that doesn’t mean that amusing things haven’t happened since the college quartet was reunited. Quite the contrary. Some thing, I suppose, never change.

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One of my first breakfasts in the dorm. That’s right, you’re seeing that correctly: those are plant phyla and marshmallows. I can’t think of a better combination*. (*This is a lie.)

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A tired joke, but I couldn’t help myself while studying functional groups.

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The night Sapphire returned, we all gathered in her room to watch a movie. I tried to get a picture of Finn’s satisfied smirk at having stolen Sapphire’s spot, but pictures make him make weird faces.

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Fritz, after proving that he cannot behave properly sitting on a bed (“Why are your feet on my pillow?”) or in a char (“If they fine us for the Sheetrock damage, we’re charging you for it.”), was exiled to Sapphire’s desk for the evening, which remains his designated seat to this day.

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Finn did this absentmindedly—yes, with his teeth. Sapphire and I persistently attempt to train him out of this.

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The Student Secular Alliance has resorted to… interesting tactics.

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Conspicuously pasted up in the elevator. Fritz: “Oh myyyyy…”

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Finn strikes again.

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Fritz left his room unlocked one weekend, and the Alliance of Students Against Commonplace Stupidity (Finn and I) decided to teach him a lesson. If you look closely, you may see Dankey Kang with a note penned by Sapphire, who claims she wasn’t otherwise involved. If you look closer, you may see the noxious Lysol fumes rising from every surface.

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I still haven’t found my berries!

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I attended an Auburn football game with my family one weekend. Natalia and I are the hottest ever.

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An attempt Finn, Fritz and I made at baking Sapphire a birthday cake. Yes, it does say, “it 4 U.”

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So, campus dining thinks this is necessary…

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Finn transforms Sapphire’s fiancé, Beau. Finn’s words exactly: “Smashing!”

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At one in the morning, Sapphire and I decided to get mozzarella sticks and Finn came along. While there, Finn taught Sapphire how to use chopsticks. This was the result. And yes, that is Sapphire feeding Finn sweet potato fries with straw-chopsticks while strategically avoiding being captured on camera.

Anyway, these are only a few interesting moments of many that have occurred at UNP, coming from the lucky times I had the foresight to whip out my phone and demand a photo. There are many interesting stories to be told, and many more to be written. After all, my friends live on antics and shenanigans, and, although they don’t understand why I write about such things, I do. You know why?

Of course you do. It’s because I do what I want.

A Cooking Disaster

Yesterday, Finn informed me that he had gotten a lot of cooking supplies in the mail, and suggested that we attempt to cook something for dinner.

Sapphire, stating that she didn’t have five hours to devote to grocery shopping and cooking mediocre food, voted to forgo the excursion that Finn and Fritz were planning to take to Walmart. I, however, was not so dissuaded, and left our suite around seven to meet up with said boys for said adventure.

The time we spent traipsing around the store wasn’t wasted necessarily, but I won’t say it was efficiently used. Somewhere along the way I happened to mention to Fritz that I had a recipe for Byelorussian Kolduny, and, upon reading the description of said dish, Fritz demanded that I make it.

Several bags of produce and a carton of fruit punch later, I was peeling potatoes with a butcher knife begged from my suitemate, dicing them on a counter shared with a pathetic excuse for a microwave, and attempting, with every tool and in every manner imaginable, to somehow mince them without a meat grinder.

You think I’m kidding. It came down to Fritz putting them in a plastic bag and beating them with canned chicken. I think Finn’s room may still have potato bits in it.

Eventually we had the brilliant idea of simply mashing the potatoes, and this predicament was quickly tossed aside. However, yet another one arose: the Finn/Fritz/other dudes residence has no seasonings within it.

That made for interestingly flavored meat.

Sapphire, who had visited for a few hours, watched all of this from the couch, only getting up to occasionally try her hand at several different cooking skills (Sapphire, apparently, needs cooking lessons) or to intervene when I looked ready to injure myself in frustration. After spending half an hour or so demanding that I tell her what I’d gotten for her for her birthday (I accidentally mentioned that I may have picked something up, and no, Sapphire, it’s not going on here >:D), she left with a sigh and an, “I told you it wasn’t worth it!”

After a loud fight with the final product of my labors (a soup of potato and meat simmering in a pan) that nearly ended in bloodshed and tears, Fritz shoved me aside and cooked the meal that I had been so determined to make.

Thankfully, one of their suitemates actually seemed to sort of enjoy the concoction. Perhaps the best consolation, however, was that Finn had made brownies at the beginning of the disaster, which were cooled and ready for eating by the time the drama with the actual main course had reached its peak.

After eating two brownies and an amorphous blob of unseasoned potato mash and hamburger, I took my leave, hoping not to create a bigger mess than I already had.

Upon returning to my dorm (at eleven), Sapphire simply looked up from her textbook with a smirk and said, “I told you cooking was too much effort.”

Perhaps she was right. It was quite disastrous.

Whatever… I do what I want.

Everything is Hilarious

Last night Sapphire and I finished our chemistry project on photosynthesis and Gibbs free energy and went to seek Finn.

Fritz had been texting us while we were working on our presentation, which ultimately resulted in Sapphire stealing my phone and telling him that the more he texted, the longer we’d take to get done.

Finn, at some point during the evening, asked to borrow my phone. I obliged, and he went to do laundry and other responsible things while Sapphire and I made fun of botanists.

Fast forward twenty minutes, and we were stalking around the first floor laundry room, trying to find Finn so that we could text Fritz and watch Sherlock.

When we couldn’t find him, Sapphire called my phone. Finn, who later said this was his first mistake, picked up the phone and informed us he was hanging out on the fourth floor.

“He wants to be alone,” Sapphire remarked.

Naturally, we caught the next elevator up to the fourth floor.

We found Finn lying on a couch in the study room, talking on the phone. Within the next ten minutes, Sapphire had forced him out of his seat so that she could lay on the couch instead. I was on the couch on the other side of the room, looking at the ceiling and feeling very sorry for Finn.

Of course, that was short-lived. I’m not sure that Sapphire or I really know what happened, but for the next two hours, through a meal and an attempt at watching Sherlock, we laughed hysterically, occasionally bursting into fits of giggles for no apparent reason.

[in the elevator] “We’re not high, I swear!” [looks at Finn’s severely disappointed and self-conscious face] [uncontrollable, shrieking laughter]

[Sapphire steals Finn’s wallet] “Sapphire, do you have my wallet…?” “Yes!” “Can I have it?” “I don’t have it!” [laughing hysterically]

[Sapphire gets up abruptly] “Sapphire-chaaaan! Sapphire-chaaaaan?” [Sapphire reappears with a roll of paper towels and throws it at Fritz] [giggling manically]

[Finn talking about a Cracked article] “Like, movies, but—” “Hahaha! You said butt!” [wheezing with laughter]

I really don’t know what happened. All I know is that Finn said, “I shouldn’t be learning why I don’t want children from college-aged adults,” and Fritz responded with, “Adults?”

They say laughter adds years to your life. Sapphire and I are going to live forever.

My face still hurts.

Old Pictures We Will Never Live Down

I was sifting through the photos on my iPad last night while Sapphire was reading a fantasy book on her phone. What I found once I got past all of the mundane college pictures made me giggle manically. They remind me of old times (and things our kids will be able to hold over us, probably.) I told Finn I was going to post them—I didn’t lie, did I?

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This one is the least horrible—in fact, I think it’s rather cute, honestly. ^^ What boy could resist Scout’s boy-catching face when she was wearing a Burger King crown?

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Finn found the box his church set up to collect stuff for him to take to college with him. When asked why he climbed in it, he responded, “It was my box, dangit!”

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Unhappy Finn is unhappy about Sherly and I making him go on the Tower of Terror three times, and we know why.

(You did this to meeeee!!!)

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This is what happens when Finn is late for a movie we agreed to see. (There are more where this came from, but this one was my favorite.)

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Natalia, my sister, is the most attractive person on the planet, bar none.

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No objections will be accepted.

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A meme my other sister, Katniss, made and saved to my iPad.

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I had never made a duck-face before. I feel I succeeded.

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Actually, this one is relatively recent. This was both amusing and disturbing.

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Finn and Eric’s sister is the queen of boy-catching faces. (I actually really love this picture; it always makes me laugh. If Pinky wants it taken down, though, I can delete it.)

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Another of Scout’s boy-catching faces, and proof that she is unable to actually look legitimately unattractive making faces.

Sorry, guys… Are you ready to kill me yet? I mean, I know most people don’t put embarrassing pictures of themselves on the internet, but I do what I want!

A Guide to College in Gifs

Over the length of my absence, I have experienced unmeasurable amounts of stress, amusement, and sleep-deprivation. I thought to myself this morning that it could all be summed up using gifs. Now that I’m back, I thought I’d share this summary with the world! Please enjoy!

(Notice: I don’t own any of these shows. Please don’t sue me.)

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A Guide to College in Gifs

Seeing the Dorm for the First Time:

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First Day Unattended:

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Weekend Before Classes Start:

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First Week:

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First Class:

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How Parents Start Acting:

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When You Realize You Spend More Time With That One Friend Than Studying:

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Trying to Find the Answer to A Question For a Chemistry Assignment:

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When Someone Asks A Stupid Question in Class:

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When You Get A Bad Paper Back:

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When You Get A Good Paper Back:

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When You Miss Points on Simple Math:

A Very Fancy Facepalm

Weekend’s Coming!:

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Midterms Week:

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At The Store After Midterms Week:

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Trying to Explain Something to Someone Not In Your Major:

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Eating At Home For The Weekend:

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Assignment You Forgot About:

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When You Meet A Good Person:

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When You Meet A Not-Good Person:

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When You and Your Friend Try to Go Downtown:

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When People Ask Why You Like Hard Classes:

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When You Realize You Still Have A Month Until Thanksgiving:

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What You Feel Most of the Time:

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What You Feel Always:

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A Tribute to My Chemistry Professor

Alternatively Titled, “Things June’s Professor Says.”

I’m in a relatively small General Chemistry class (probably somewhere around thirty students), and our professor is in charge of a lot of Important Honors Chemistry things. He’s incredibly amusing and almost definitely an INTP. Here are some things he’s said only in the past few weeks:

“They’re very communistic in that regard.”

“Organic chemists make more money because they can sell drugs on the side at night on street corners. Analytical chemists, on the other hand, are the only ones who do things that matter.”

“… This shouldn’t upset your world that much.”

“How many people had this in high school? … How many liked it? Ha!”

“Here’s how I explain how VSEPR works: If two girls wear the same dress to prom, they won’t stand next to each other. Two guys wearing the same tux wouldn’t notice. I probably sound sexist, but you know I’m probably right.”

“Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When we read we begin with A-B-C. When we do electron configurations, we begin with N, L, Nl.”

[Of neon lights] “I have no idea what’s going on.”

[In response to a student asking why he did something]: “Because!”

“Turns out what I’m telling you is a lie.”

“Whatever lights your fire. Just go with it.”

Needless to say, I love chemistry. Most of the class is spent learning things about electron configurations while our professor does what he wants.