The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure

Yesterday evening, the gang played what should end up being the penultimate installment of our longstanding Pathfinder campaign.

This particular campaign has been going on for over a year, finding its start somewhere toward the beginning of last summer when Finn decided he wanted to GM a game that I’ve now started calling “The Mystical, Magical, Not-One Piece Adventure.” Although it could probably be more aptly named “This Isn’t Windwaker with Frogs, I Swear,” I feel the first name still fits it pretty well.

Our wonderful, year-long adventure has taken many twists and turns that would probably confuse those who weren’t there at the time. In fact, as someone who was at nearly every session, I still have a hard time remembering exactly what happened and, more importantly, why.

Because this information is highly entertaining and nonsensical, I present to you the amusing antics of our Pathfinder campaign. Because these antics are quite difficult to put into a narrative style (and because I don’t quite remember what happened), I present them to you as bullet points.

Over the course of our campaign:

  • We were kidnapped and slated to be sold as slaves
  • We escaped the slave ship, partially with the help of Eric’s character’s pet extra-planar water-dog
  • We had many problems medicating Eric’s character, Elizabeth, who was a schizophrenic whose alignment changed from good to evil spontaneously
  • Scout’s character, Oliver, asked trees for directions
  • We ended up stranded in an archipelago of islands inhabited by frog people
    • A giant, magical wall of water that inexplicably appeared one day trapped us there
  • Frog people were really racist
  • We started working for the Frog Queen after becoming fugitives of the state (?) (I wasn’t there for that part)
  • We visited islands named Felt and Flannel
  • Atsuko’s character accidentally got high and/or drunk multiple times
    • One time, this occurred after taking questionable drugs for schizophrenia obtained from a frog-person “alchemist” named Dunspurce McGill
    • Dunspurce ended up being the worst and also a recurring character
  • Atsuko also obtained a baby dragon
  • Our characters were physically injured by music at a rap concert
    • The concert of Gangstalicious and Thugnificent, to be exact, who just happened to be Eric’s character’s (Elizabeth’s) idols
  • We somehow procured a magical sword that glowed when in the possession of the rightful king
  • It was stolen by the 3rd Street Saints, who were working with Gangstalicious and Thugnificent
    • We stole it back, though
  • Still, Gangstalicious and Thugnificent imprisoned the Frog Queen and took over the country
  • Dunspurce picked up the sword and turns out he wAS FREAKING THE PROMISED KING
  • The frog-monks at the Temple of the Song (I think?) somehow turned Dunspurce McGill into a useful member of society
  • Our characters launched a campaign to retake the country for the “Twice-promised King”
    • This involved convincing an independent state of toad-people to aid us
  • We got into a fight with a magicproofed Lamborghini
  • Elizabeth summoned a T-Rex to fight the Lamborghini
    • That’s right, T-Rex v. Lamborghini
    • We affectionately named the T-Rex the “Fritzosaurus Rex” because it made cat sounds
  • Our werewolf-elemental Kitsune turned himself to stone and bull-rushed a magicproofed Lamborghini
    • And the Lamborghini won
    • We still rekt it though

So yeah! That’s just a brief, disjointed recap! Although I don’t have much evidence of what transpired, I do have this picture of our latest fight, taken toward the end of last session:

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I’ll just leave you with that.

Now I’m going to draw a map of a couple of fictional continents with the hopes that I read enough articles online to know what I’m doing.

Yeah, I know that Wikipedia articles on plate tectonics don’t count as useful information. Whatever! I do what I want!

Ameeeeeerica!

Yesterday was the 4th of July. For most of my readers, that probably meant eating hotdogs or something, setting off sparklers and singing patriotic songs. If I’m lucky enough to have readers who don’t live in the U.S., you may have spent yesterday doing nothing particularly interesting. (To any Canadians out there, happy late Canada Day!) For me, it meant driving out to the Hooper residence (located in the middle of nowhere) and setting off fireworks until there was nothing left to set fire to.

The celebration got off to a good start when Atsuko’s dad introduced us to an overgrown version of those little popper things that you throw on the ground. I recorded a video of Finn demonstrating their use with the intention of of showing it to my dad. You can find said video here.

They seemed charming and fun until Atsuko’s dad stuffed his pockets with them and threw them at our feet without warning for the rest of the day.

We spent most of the day doing fun things that weren’t particularly noteworthy. Shooting off bottle rockets, throwing fire crackers into puddles, and chasing children away from explosives at the last minute seemed to be the general themes. During this intermission, Atsuko’s dad discovered the metal trash can sitting in the middle of the Hooper’s yard.

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This spelled the beginning of the end for us all, especially when Finn joined in the fun.

We then took a break to eat and talk with each other without the explosive intermediates that had facilitated our social interactions for the past hour or so. We sat and enjoyed the taste of lovely home-cooked food, the smell of spent fireworks, and the melodious tones of some kind of mariachi music carried to us on the wind.

As a point of reference for future events, here is a picture of what I ate for dinner.

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(Muuuurca!)

This picture only becomes significant in the face of the events that followed. If you haven’t already guessed, we set fire to my leftover hamburger.

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The thing was surprisingly hard to burn, but with the tireless efforts of Atsuko and Pinky, we finally managed to give it a proper viking funeral.

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This, however, was not the most interesting event of the evening. No, this was reserved for when it grew dark and rainy, and Finn and I had the brilliant idea of strapping Eric’s waifu (I mean, favorite character), Labrys, to a bottle rocket.

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It seemed like a flawless plan to destroy the blasted thing, but fate would have it that our efforts were sorely wasted. We watched her sail into the sky in a graceful arc of explosives and sparks, and then witnessed her float unharmed back to Earth. We tried again to destroy her. You can find a video of our failure here.

After another failed attempt or so, Finn and I decided to bring out the big guns.

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The artillery shell, thankfully, did not disappoint.

The rest of the night was spent in highly entertaining ways. The Hoopers brought out the big fireworks, and for a while we watched (and set off) huge explosions that left our ears ringing. After all was said and done, though, we dragged ourselves, exhausted, to Steak n’ Shake, where we met Eric Hooper.

Rather than recounting anything interesting that occurred at this meeting of the sleep-deprived, I will simply leave you with an i-spy of our own creation.

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Yeah, yeah, I know we probably shouldn’t have stolen the children’s pens to deface a menu-thingy.

Whatever. We were tired, and we do what we want.

Summer: A Photo Summary

Alternatively read as, “Hey guys, I’m still alive!”


So… yeah, it’s been a while since I updated this blog. Again. I’m sorry, any of my actual readers. It’s not that I’ve lost my love of writing (you see that new sticker in the sidebar? Yeaaaaaaah), it’s just that shenanigans haven’t been so funny that I’ve absolutely had to blog about them, and, quite frankly, I’ve forgotten how to be a responsible adult. Still, that hasn’t stopped me from returning with updated bios and new pictures in tow! Each of these (or at least, each cluster of these) would probably have constituted a post in its own right if I had written about them right when they happened, but you know how it is—shenanigans are a lot less interesting in retrospect.

That doesn’t mean they’re not interesting, though.

So yeah, here you go!


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Summer got off to a good start when the Hoopers took Eric to Casa Blanca for his birthday. Finn’s response to these shenanigans?

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You get the idea.

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Fritz expresses his opinions very eloquently through Snapchat.

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This was written in response to a group chat message from Fritz that read, “Please note: Rosario Vampire is easier to take in as a manga.”

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Long story short, Eric sympathized with Finn and I about a friend being stupid, and in response we bought him a cupcake. Not to be too nice, however (we are tsundere), we included a special message of our own. (I censored it because of reasons, but you get the idea.)

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I had to go to a doctor’s appointment in Birmingham, and Finn agreed to come with me. On the way back we got stuck in a three-hour traffic jam in my car, which has no air conditioning. By the time we found these stickers, Finn had already given in to madness.

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My eventual retaliation.

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Makeshift Pathfinder campaign (for my little brothers) is makeshift.

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The only right way to watch the anime.

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Finn attempting to do something nice, once again failing with simple tasks, such as using plastic bags.

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Little brother, two days before convention: “I want to cosplay Edward Elric!” My response.

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The finished product, featuring the youngest Hooper boy as Luffy! And finally…

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FINN. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.


There you have it, folks. A whole summer’s worth of antics summarized in poorly taken pictures. Do you feel enlightened now?

(Yeah, I should probably go back and write better captions for them. Oh well. I do what I want.)

A Quirky Wedding

Today Finn, Fritz, Pinky, Eric and I went to our local anime convention to observe fellow enthusiasts, look at art and enroll in a Pokémon tournament. What we ended up doing instead was attending the Conchair’s wedding.

It was an interesting experience, to say the least. For thirty minutes, people of all ages and in all manner of costumes stood in the hallway, exchanging Con-themed trading cards and taking pictures of each others’ cosplays. When we finally were allowed in, we were filed into a room with rows of blue, stackable chairs lined up in front of a projection screen.

Music began playing, a piano rendition of what I believe was the theme song to Beauty and the Beast. Bridesmaids filed in with escorts, all in pretty red dresses. A woman in a similar dress walked calmly down the aisle as the ring bearer.

Suddenly, the very familiar shout of a robotic “ex-ter-mi-nate” echoed through the room, and we twisted around in our chairs to see a giant gold Dalek being driven down the aisle by a man in a Matt Smith costume, spitting flower petals and muttering incomprehensibly about being the flower girl.

The bride was escorted down the aisle, past the Dalek and onto the stage next to the groom. At this moment, I allowed myself to pause and consider the situation. The entire room was full of teenagers and young adults in costume, some with rainbow-colored hair, others with cat ears or tulle skirts. I thought to myself, “In a way, this is sweet—they’re getting married surrounded by the people who attend the convention they pour their hearts into.”

Then the hologram appeared to marry them.

Hatsune Miku herself, the Japanese pop sensation and most popular voice synthesizer software on the planet, probably, was standing between the bride and groom. She accidentally interrupted the two several times in broken, robotic English almost too difficult to understand without the cheering of the people in the audience.

All in all, though, it was a pretty heart-warming experience. They do, indeed, get to say they had the Doctor at their wedding, and that they were surrounded by every anime character imaginable.

In the end, shouldn’t people getting married be allowed to do what they want?

Many Friends, All Lovely

A late-night musing before I go off to study chemistry.

I have many types of friends.

I have the friend who messages me regularly to make sure I’ve eaten and slept.

I have the friend who knows exactly how I feel and exactly what to say to make me feel better.

I have the friend who gets me into all sorts of trouble, but always manages to get us out of it somehow.

I have the friend who messages me life updates long-distance.

I have the friend who shouts my name whenever we pass each other in the hall.

I have the friend who pats me on the shoulder and says, “Hello, dear.”

I have the friend who tells me I’m “such a sweetheart” and that I’m a welcome face.

I have the friend who shares a very strong mutual interest that we can’t stop talking about.

I have the friend who laughs when I procrastinate and says, “This is why you can’t have nice things, June!”

I have many friends, and they are all lovely.

How People Impersonate Me Over iMessage

A few weeks ago, Eric decided to impersonate me over iMessage. Here are some things that he said.

THey deluxehard?

I am registered for all Magic:The Gathering stuff, and get free swag and all that.

Like, no joke, I physically have been issued a Nerdcard from the people that make Magic.

Ah snap!

Double worst kind.

Don’t be a Debbie Downer! Rule 2 in life.

Negative Nancy.

He….said twinsies?

Snap, connected!

Just use a lot of bro words, which always result in insta-chill.

More chill than a Klondike bar.

Ah snap, they be all jelly

A Magic tourney, went to the rec. center, derped around Target, and drove about the ghetto.

Nah, I was just saying I was more jelly than a raspberry doughnut.

90 free pieces of paperswag.

+90 more in boosterpackswag

#boosterpackswag.

College Life: A Photo Summary

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A beautiful picture edited by Finn himself.

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Sometimes store brand ice cream constitutes a meal.

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Sometimes a meal is just a rice bowl full of potatoes.

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This is why we can’t have nice things.

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Finn is not amuse.

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Sapphire’s eighteenth birthday present.

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In case you were wondering what June’s Chemistry notes look like…

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#RecyclingSwag

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Don’t mind us, we’re just in an Arby’s at midnight.

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Eric wishes we’d paid attention to his Magic lesson.

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Srsly, university student? Han shot first.

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That there’s a demon.
(The dryer popped open on its own after about thirty minutes and spat Finn’s clothing all over the floor.)

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STARBUCKS TRUCK GIVING AWAY STARBUCKS ENERGY DRINKS! Heck yes.

Antics: Breakin’ Curfew Like Bosses

As those who watch this blog know, life has been a bit hectic the past few weeks. However, the absence of blog posts certainly does not equate to an absence of antics among our group of friends.

Wednesday, Scout, Eric, Finn, Natalia, Scout’s younger sister Lovett and I went to a dollar movie.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. It’d be closer to the truth to say we did everything except watch a dollar movie for the better portion of the evening.

After Natalia and I arrived at the theater (in once piece, surprisingly, despite my being the driver), all of us derped around inside for a bit. We did a lot of talking, Finn bought an impossibly sweet Icee knock-off, and we elected to see a late movie and hang out in the meantime.

A few phone calls and a short and somewhat eventful walk to a nearby Petco later (Stay away from the homeless man sleeping behind the building!), we were looking at ferrets, cockatiels and orange cats named after zodiac signs/constellations.

Turns out, Finn is going to be a movie director who always has a ferret sitting on his shoulder, cockatiels are flesh-eating monsters native to Australia, and Orion the Cat should have been named Onion.

We wandered into Walmart next, talk shifting to romantic supermarket scenarios (there are none), the vegan-ness of sundry pastries and things to do with Cornish hens.

Eventually we escaped without buying much of anything (which most people know is nearly impossible). Our only purchases were two lime-flavored Red Bulls, a green tea Monster, and whatever Eric got when we weren’t looking.

Our next stop was Tellini’s for dinner. Natalia and I ordered personal pizzas, while the others got various pastas and sandwiches. We sat around the table, gawking at the size of the “personal-sized” (not personal-sized) pizzas that were brought to our table and talking about Sherly on caffeine.

After returning to the theater, we piled into Finn’s car (well, his Mum’s van) and rode to Starbucks. The whole way there we listened to music turned up a bit too loud and talked about stem cell research.

Our time spent at the coffee shop was surprisingly uneventful. We tried to FaceTime Sherly about seventeen times, and took pictures of our irritated facial expressions to send her when we couldn’t get through. I drank a mocha frappe without the coffee (Natalia got it for me—it was actually pretty good), Scout texted Eric, who was in the car for a little while, Finn showed us a YouTube video of cats being jerks, and we made an album cover for “God Bless These Fat Bears.”

We drove back to the theater and bought our tickets for the nine-fifty showing of The Internship. (All of us had permission to see it at nine-thirty, so twenty minutes didn’t seem that off.) Unfortunately, it was only nine at the time. Boredom got the best of us, and all of us ended up sitting in stiff chairs with Natalia and Lovett randomly sifting their fingers through our hair, spending ten dollars on a crane-esque game just to prove that people who played them were stupid, talking about the new Pac-Man show and watching Eric play Galaga.

When the movie finally started, we sat in the theater making snarky remarks about trivia and fake-shouting at the only other people in the room with us. The whole length of the film, I kept leaning over and whispering comments to Finn and Scout, all of us laughing about how ludicrous the villain was and the awkwardness of some of the scenes.

The movie let out at midnight—yikes! That was a bit later than expected—and we walked into the parking lot, threatening to leave yet never completely able to stop taking. We saw a Luna moth and talked about Scout and Lovett being werewolves… but when the street lights went out, we knew it was our cue to get home.

The next morning my mum was very upset that we’d been out all night. Now she’s completely and utterly convinced that we legal adults do what we want.

A Sendoff for Sherly

Today marks an important day for Sherly: She is officially a college student. While we are very proud of her, not to mention happy for her, all of us (her friends at home) already miss her dearly.

We knew they were coming, but that didn’t make the goodbyes any easier.

Sherly, if you manage to find the time to read this, Finn, Scout and I (and probably the others, too) would like to say something to you:

(To shamelessly quote phrases that Sherly and Finn, in that order, wrote for Apocalypse, Pls:)

Though this may be the end of times, it’s certainly not the end of us. We’re family, and family stays family forever.

Study hard, have fun, make friends, and be a boss. Just remember, we’re always here for you.

Antics: “I’m a vampire now, you guys.”

Two days ago, Finn sent out an email in an attempt to commission us to give blood for his scholarship drive. He cited his apparent vampirism as the reason that we should come out and allow ourselves to be stabbed in the arm with a thick needle. (“I’ve got a hankerin that only your blood will satisfy.”)

A few hours later, I was sitting across from his youth pastor, having a casual conversation about the fact that Finn’s roommate has all but been confirmed to be a panda serial killer. (What does that mean? Would it be a panda that killed people, a person that killed pandas, or a panda that killed pandas? I guess Finn’ll find out.)

It was after drinking a small can of apple juice and eating a fudge bar that Finn insisted I needed (wink-wink–well, it was free), already having overcome the slight dizziness that came with having a pint of blood removed, that antics began.

It started with being told a story that I could have gone my whole life without hearing, and steadily progressed until Eric was showing us pictures of pandas and other cute animals making rude gestures. Finn also managed to make the same rude gesture in a picture that Kitty ended up sending to a friend of hers. The whole time, I found myself shouting, half laughing, half crying, “We’re in a church, you guys! Respect pls pls pls…”

Our friend, Kitty, who is the original vegan of our group, showed up and attempted to give blood, but got turned down, not because of an iron deficiency, but because she recently took a cruise to Mexico. Finn gave her an “I Make a Difference” sticker; he had written with a Sharpie over the blank spot for a name, “Mexico wouldn’t let me.”

We decided that we needed to call Sherly in an attempt to get her up at the church. Although she (understandably, and wisely) was told she couldn’t come, we talked with her over the speaker of my cell phone for an unnecessarily long time.

During the call, Finn and I discovered how completely enthralling the concept of apple juice in a can was. Mesmerized, we took a picture of ourselves with the can and sent it to her. (We put the phone in the picture too, because phone-ception!)

Somewhere along the way, after Kitty left and Sherly patiently told us she had to get off of the phone, Finn counted up the number of people who had successfully given blood and decided we needed to take action. (Note: For Finn to be eligible for the scholarship, he had to have 25 people donate–at this point he had had 19.) With permission from the pastor (sort of), we raided the church’s costume closet.

Finn put me in the donkey costume. Our friend Marty, who gave red blood cells instead of whole blood (which involved being hooked up to a cool machine and sitting for an hour), was a Roman warrior. Eric, as recompense for distasteful (and somewhat hilarious) jokes made earlier and an unwillingness to dress up, was forced to be a mustard bottle. A sort of dented mustard bottle. Waving American flags.

We gathered signs, put the finishing touches on our costumes, and insisted that we would not exploit Jesus to get people to give blood (although Finn thought someone wearing a Jesus costume would be effective). Finn marched us down the hall and unveiled us to the world.

Fantastic.

Thrilled

We were shown to our posts (me to a solitary spot on one side of the road, facing the quickly-moving traffic, and Marty and Eric to the other side, facing the slow-moving traffic–did I mention it was five o’clock?), told to bring ’em in, and then left to fend for ourselves.

The heat was a bit… uncomfortable. Especially in a thick donkey suit. One man driving by rolled down his window and asked, “Have you no shame?”

We quickly, and honestly, replied, “No, not really.”

Finn showed up again with two young girls, Pinky Hooper (Finn and Eric’s younger sister) and her friend. One was in a ketchup bottle costume that complemented Eric’s, and the other was a fairy.

The two girls were stationed facing the slow traffic, meaning that Marty (and eventually Eric) came to join me. A girl who was coming for the fellowship dinner pulled her car up into the grass and blasted music for us to dance to.

Eric jokingly shouted contradictions just to be… well, contrary. Marty danced the only way he knew how–seductively. I awkwardly shuffled about and waved.

It wasn’t until Gangnam Style came on, when Finn had returned with a, “Gee, I sure feel like saving lives today,” sign of his own creation, that I started to feel dizzy.

The younger girls and I went inside, and I was promptly ushered into a chair and given water by a woman working the blood drive. The rest of the advertising committee soon followed.

Activity lulled as the last stragglers trickled in. The girl who had let us borrow her car told us about her college/carrer plans, and we fist-bumped in agreement when we discovered that we both write our passwords in foreign languages. Finn gave blood, since he had been put off until the end of the day. Churchgoers got free ice cream, I tried to call my parents, who were at our church and, thus, not answering, and mini bundt cakes were distributed.

Around evening, after I had confirmed that my family was sending someone to come get me, I wandered outside and watched as Finn borrowed carts that were sitting in front of the Red Cross truck and surfed them across the parking lot. A few almost-collisions with a dumpster aside, nobody was harmed.

Not a bad day, all in all.

Antics summary number 1, otherwise to be interpreted as the moral of the story: If you see teenagers dancing on the side of the road in costume in order to advertise a blood drive, stop, because there will undoubtedly be amusing misadventures to take part in (or at least observe).

After all, as impulsive, slightly insane teenagers,

We (apparently) do what we want.