Many Friends, All Lovely

A late-night musing before I go off to study chemistry.

I have many types of friends.

I have the friend who messages me regularly to make sure I’ve eaten and slept.

I have the friend who knows exactly how I feel and exactly what to say to make me feel better.

I have the friend who gets me into all sorts of trouble, but always manages to get us out of it somehow.

I have the friend who messages me life updates long-distance.

I have the friend who shouts my name whenever we pass each other in the hall.

I have the friend who pats me on the shoulder and says, “Hello, dear.”

I have the friend who tells me I’m “such a sweetheart” and that I’m a welcome face.

I have the friend who shares a very strong mutual interest that we can’t stop talking about.

I have the friend who laughs when I procrastinate and says, “This is why you can’t have nice things, June!”

I have many friends, and they are all lovely.

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Old Pictures We Will Never Live Down

I was sifting through the photos on my iPad last night while Sapphire was reading a fantasy book on her phone. What I found once I got past all of the mundane college pictures made me giggle manically. They remind me of old times (and things our kids will be able to hold over us, probably.) I told Finn I was going to post them—I didn’t lie, did I?

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This one is the least horrible—in fact, I think it’s rather cute, honestly. ^^ What boy could resist Scout’s boy-catching face when she was wearing a Burger King crown?

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Finn found the box his church set up to collect stuff for him to take to college with him. When asked why he climbed in it, he responded, “It was my box, dangit!”

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Unhappy Finn is unhappy about Sherly and I making him go on the Tower of Terror three times, and we know why.

(You did this to meeeee!!!)

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This is what happens when Finn is late for a movie we agreed to see. (There are more where this came from, but this one was my favorite.)

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Natalia, my sister, is the most attractive person on the planet, bar none.

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No objections will be accepted.

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A meme my other sister, Katniss, made and saved to my iPad.

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I had never made a duck-face before. I feel I succeeded.

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Actually, this one is relatively recent. This was both amusing and disturbing.

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Finn and Eric’s sister is the queen of boy-catching faces. (I actually really love this picture; it always makes me laugh. If Pinky wants it taken down, though, I can delete it.)

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Another of Scout’s boy-catching faces, and proof that she is unable to actually look legitimately unattractive making faces.

Sorry, guys… Are you ready to kill me yet? I mean, I know most people don’t put embarrassing pictures of themselves on the internet, but I do what I want!

Long Walks in Subzero Weather Make Me Sad

It’s the beginning of a new semester at the University of Nerds and Premeds, and Sapphire and I are bemoaning being subjected to the torture of having to walk twenty minutes across campus in record low temperatures for our state. Sherly, who lives where snow and violent storms of every variety are the norm, undoubtedly thinks the entire city is being a huge wuss.

It’s difficult to walk up stairs at the Humanities building for the students huddled, trying to keep out of the wind, on every floor. The condensation on dorm room windows is enough to blur the ink on pages of spiral-bound notebooks left on the windowsill. Japanese 101 students learned a “weather word” not scheduled until the end of the year (samui!!). Commuter students are calling in late or absent. Starbucks is selling out of hot coffee at record speeds.

The cold weather, however, only managed to delay the inevitable. School has actually started back. I arrived on campus Saturday night, and Finn and Sapphire appeared Sunday. Campus restaurants are puttering back to life, and students who worked here over the break are grumbling about having to wait in lines and share elevators. RAs are trying to redecorate the halls with a New Year’s theme. Professors are rewriting syllabi with spring dates.

I’m not sure Sapphire and I are ready to be back yet, and I know Finn isn’t thrilled at all. We spent all of last night denying it—FaceTiming Sherly, watching My Cousin Vinny, playing with plastic Daleks and TARDISes and eating stolen candy—yet, class still started this morning, albeit two hours late. Yet, I’m not terribly unhappy with the schedule I’ve got so far; at least I can write a blog post instead of running between class buildings in the freezing cold.

To everyone whose classes were not delayed because the city they live in isn’t a weenie, I applaud you and give you my condolences. To those of you still waiting to go back to school next Wednesday or smirking as you watch cancellations on the morning news, just know that it’s coming.

It’s coming. And you will not escape.

I’d better sign off now. Calculus to run to, Starbucks to buy. I might get a Frappuccino. Sure, it’s minus six outside with windchill, but you know what? I do what I want!

(Just kidding. That would totally kill me, and taking advice from other people is generally a good idea. Still, you understand the sentiment.)

College Life: A Photo Summary

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A beautiful picture edited by Finn himself.

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Sometimes store brand ice cream constitutes a meal.

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Sometimes a meal is just a rice bowl full of potatoes.

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This is why we can’t have nice things.

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Finn is not amuse.

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Sapphire’s eighteenth birthday present.

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In case you were wondering what June’s Chemistry notes look like…

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#RecyclingSwag

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Don’t mind us, we’re just in an Arby’s at midnight.

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Eric wishes we’d paid attention to his Magic lesson.

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Srsly, university student? Han shot first.

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That there’s a demon.
(The dryer popped open on its own after about thirty minutes and spat Finn’s clothing all over the floor.)

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STARBUCKS TRUCK GIVING AWAY STARBUCKS ENERGY DRINKS! Heck yes.

Of College Life and Witticisms

In the two weeks I’ve been on campus, I’ve heard some interesting statements from fellow classmates, friends and college professors alike. Here is a collection of a few one-liners that have been heard here at Uni.

Finn [about tea sweetened with Nutella]: This is nasty.

Biology Professor: This next chapter is called “Chemistry Will Hunt You Down.”

Finn: You pepper spray him, then I’ll punch him out.

Sapphire: Boys are trouble, but trouble is fun.

Chemistry Professor [final line of a story about putting Nitrogen Triiodide under a toilet seat]: The first person to sit down the next morning literally gets the s*** scared out of him.

Finn: Man, we’re going to get RIIIIIPPED~!

Guy Behind Me in Calculus: Life is boring. Then you turn 21. Then it’s not as boring.

FYE Professor: Go to Birmingham. That’s where the wizard lives. He’ll fix you.

Chemistry Professor [about speaking the language of Chemical formulas]: We’re going to start with baby talk and work our way up to elegant eighteenth century English—Emily Austin or something.

Papillon [about Finn]: We should just get him a key made.

Anri [shouting]: … and then Ed Sheeran ******* comes on stage!

Finn: I’ve got a hankerin’ for Sammy’s Speedy Subs that only Sammy’s Speedy Subs can satisfy.

Sherly [over iMessage]: What is life.

Chemistry Professor: … if you want to become a terrorist.

Boy Behind Me In Line At An Ambassador Young Event: I would go talk to her, but it’s not the time! It ain’t the season!

Chemistry Professor: If the first job everybody had was working on a farm, we’d have a lot more people graduating college.

Sapphire [flopped over on her bed]: **** my life.

And finally…

Finn: You are a free human being! You can do what you want!

A Sendoff for Sherly

Today marks an important day for Sherly: She is officially a college student. While we are very proud of her, not to mention happy for her, all of us (her friends at home) already miss her dearly.

We knew they were coming, but that didn’t make the goodbyes any easier.

Sherly, if you manage to find the time to read this, Finn, Scout and I (and probably the others, too) would like to say something to you:

(To shamelessly quote phrases that Sherly and Finn, in that order, wrote for Apocalypse, Pls:)

Though this may be the end of times, it’s certainly not the end of us. We’re family, and family stays family forever.

Study hard, have fun, make friends, and be a boss. Just remember, we’re always here for you.

What We Did Today.

Today, Sherly and I (June) met at an outdoor mall and goofed off.

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Our day in summary:

We stole a gondola.

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(Oh yeah, and ran around in the rain, talked about psychology, ate chocolate truffles, took pictures for strangers and drank caffeine–for science!)

Sorry for the brevity of this post–June has been up since 5:30 am. More posts will be up soon! Promise!

Antics: Sandwich Shenanigans

The following post was penned by our very own Sherly Holmes. Please enjoy!

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I, Sherly, being the responsible, future-oriented INTJ that I am, thought it prudent to find part time work my senior year. After desperately looking into every source of income short of selling my hair to a wig shop, I eventually found employment at a local sub shop I’ll call “Sammy’s Speedy Subs.”

My mother had warned me that working one’s first job is an experience completely unlike anything the said teenager would have experienced prior to employment. In hindsight, I believe she was referring to how unpleasant the mélange of manual labor, paltry wages, and the immutable scent of grease can be. In regards to my time at Sammy’s, she was correct: it certainly has been a singular experience—but not for the reasons she implied it would be.

As an INTJ, I’m not a people person. Yick. However, I will confess that it’s the people that make working at Sammy’s a singular experience. I work with some proper characters. But more on them later. Suffice it to say that I likely spend more time at my job laughing than I do actually working.

Midway through the year (perhaps December), Finn expressed an interest in employment. After several months of attempting to get Finn in touch with the head manager (“Mickey,” a universally resented figure at Sammy’s), Finn finally passed our arduous “sandwich test” and was offered employment.

Since we both began working at Sammy’s, most of the unusual stories Finn and I share with the rest of the group seem to always claim Sammy’s Subs as their provenance. Yes, hard work does occur at our place of employment—quite often we and other employees find ourselves sweeping, mopping, and (shudder) cleaning the cold table—but much of what goes on could be described as merely shenanigans.

For your amusement, I’ll give you a little breakdown of some of the antics, shenanigans, and other chaos that goes on at my job. I’ve got quite a few stories—considering that I’m at Sammy’s practically every bloody day.

The Unstoppable Duo

The duo I refer to in the above is Finn and I. And by “unstoppable,” I mean entirely stoppable in every way. And generally fairly slow—although that’s not my fault.

Generally, Finn and I spend most of our time talking to each other. Although we’re both introverts, the normally outgoing (ish) and amiable Finn becomes a bit shy at Sammy’s; I’m one of the only people he talks to. I, on the other hand, am a bit more jocular and talkative than usual, a fact I attribute to the presence of quirky coworkers with whom I can easily fool around (I’m often bored enough to do this), and the fact that I’ve worked with many of the same individuals for nearly a year now. We typically discuss Apocalypse, Pls—our student movie—or talk about… whatever it is we talk about. (Recent conversation topics have been: shipping, my apparent physical resemblance to Benedict Cumberbatch, college roommates, and social awkwardness)

For some reason (lack of sense on the managers’ parts, or perhaps their desire to watch our muted but amusing antics), Finn and I are often placed side by side on the line, I (typically) one spot head of him.

Our placing (much like orchestral seating) means that I am sort of technically in charge of him during these hours, a power I abuse frequently. Finn, being an artistic perfectionist, loves to take his time lovingly arranging the vegetables on each customer’s sandwich. I, being a logistical perfectionist, have little patience for this, although Finn insists, “Gosh, Sherly, it’s gotta be perfect.”

Driven by his unnecessary perfectionism, Finn plans on opening a sandwich restaurant in the style of Sammy’s, the main difference being that—instead of making everyone’s meal in thirty seconds—the workers treat it as a work of art, and spend two hours making it as perfect as possible. I am, as those of you who know me would expect, not on board with this idea. But I digress.

Finn and I have an immature rivalry in regards to most things, and our work is no exception. I pride myself on my efficiency in everything I do, so I find myself racing to finish my task before Finn’s equivalent one has been completed. We’re both fairly juvenile about the whole thing.

Me [upon mayo-ing the bread before Finn has the deli meat ready]: Hurry up, Finn.

Finn [upon beating me in a similar situation]: Sherly, I’m waiting; gosh! You’re so slow, hurry up!

One of Finn’s proudest moments was when he learned that he was coordinated enough to dole out both sauce (oil and vinegar) and oregano on a sandwich at once, while I was not. He spent the rest of our shift rubbing in that he could do something that I could not. I was unamused, until I figured out his secret.

And so our rivalry endures.

One-liners (or, amusing things my coworkers have said)

Note: there are literally hundreds of stories I could tell you about amusing incidents that have occurred at Sammy’s. Instead of doing so, however (I don’t have the patience, and I know you don’t either), I’ll just tell you the punchlines. In the words of my friend June, KTHXBAI.

[to Sherly] You’ve got alien legs. –Kirk [INTP]

[after miming shooting something with French Bread] Bread? More like DEAD? –Finn

She’s like Batman, except she’s Jazz-man! –Kirk

[about Fake Joshua] It’s a Messianic thing—we’re forever waiting for the Real Joshua –The Admiral

[about a rubber octopus] I thought I had killed that [redacted]! –Jazz-man [INFP]

[about Sherly] She’s wouldn’t be so quiet if she didn’t take “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” so literally. –Adam K [ESTP]

You have no idea how fired you are. –The Admiral

[to Kirk] Hate to burst your bubble, but I don’t think bald eagles can actually cry. –Sherly

[to a customer] Would you like some crunchy water circles on your sandwich? –Kirk

Not in MY AMERICA! –Jazz-man

[to Sherly] You’re like the lovechild of Benedict Cumberbatch and his female self. –Finn

[to Charlie, after handing over a delivery receipt] Delivery up for Candy Mountain… –Kirk

Cucumber Sniping

D&D Dave, a former employee obsessed with RPGs, was the original cuke sniper. (Thanks to him, I can tell you from experience that a sliced cucumber on the neck is not a pleasant sensation.) In his absence, however, the antics have continued. When there is a lull in sales, employees assigned to run the line (who, mind, possess direct access to an almost unlimited quantity of ammo) slice the cucumbers into deadly thin slices out of sheer boredom and ambush passerby. Finn and I do this to each other frequently. A manager of ours, whom I’ll call Kirk [INTP], came upon one of our little battles one day and decided to escalate it by nailing both of us. Repeatedly, and with deadly accuracy. The skirmish ended in our swift surrender and my desperate shouting of a famous Finn-ism: “NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!” as I was pelted by cucumber slices.

I work with a bunch of savages.

Spotify vs. Sammy Sounds

Once upon a time, Sammy’s had the perfect background music—thanks to my best friend, Spotify. Each one of the managers had their own favorite playlist. Subsequently, each playlist was of varying quality, but overall pretty great. It gave the restaurant a pretty distinct personality, something I appreciated about where I worked. One day, an entity Kirk likes to refer to as “The fun police” decided to mandate our music via a corporate-created music software called “Sammy Sounds”—like Spotify, but with a limited selection of songs, seemingly (although I may be exaggerating) mostly Taylor Swift and homogenous house music.

It was, unsurprisingly, almost universally hated. We put up with it for months (the managers weren’t keen on losing their jobs in order to retain the integrity of their music tastes), but one day the GM (an operatically-trained karaoke enthusiast and acting aficionado known as the Admiral) finally cracked under the heavy-handed psychological torment exerted by overexposure to Swedish House Mafia, and—much to their employees’ delight, [redacted] Sammy Sounds and risk the consequences.

We’re all quite a bit happier, now that we can listen to the music we enjoy, and so far no one has been smote.

So each day at Sammy’s Speedy Subs, as we listen to the dulcet sounds of Daft Punk, the Flaming Lips, Muse, and Queen, I am reminded of the value of doing what you want—provided you’ve calculated the risk. 

Antics: “God bless these fat bears.”

The following story includes amateur ukulele playing, unusual selfies, face-palm moments and (originally) contrived tomfoolery.

Yesterday, Sherly, Finn, Marty and I were slated to film the fight scene from our (eternally unfinished) student film, “Apocalypse, Pls.” These filming sessions are notorious for being unproductive and amusing–so much so that Sherly suggested I bring my iPad to document the misadventures that would, undoubtedly, result from the NFPs’ inability to focus.

(If you’re curious, the fight scene involves an epic showdown between Finn’s character, Ivan Yuri, and Marty’s, Sozai. Ivan has the power to control electricity, while Sozai can stop hearts with his hands.)

Sherly was spot-on, as usual.

The first hour or so was spent with us getting lost on the internet, Finn playing the “Adventure Time” theme song on my ukulele, and someone somehow running across this beauty.

Yes, that is a seductive banana, in case you were wondering.

Marty made a few fashion statements, as well.

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We also took pictures for the cover of an album of Finn and Scout’s band, “God Bless These Fat Bears.” (I will not post said pictures due to Finn antics.)

Finally, Sherly, giving in and accepting the inevitable (that we would not be getting anything done), proposed we go outside and have a misadventure that I could blog about.

After grabbing a soda or two and my ukulele, we wandered into the overgrown field around the church without looking back.

“All right, we need to have a goal,” Sherly insisted.

Marty, Finn and I pointed out that it was amusing that she was planning our misadventure.

“No, we need to have something we’re trying to do so that we can fail to do it.”

Hmm. Not a bad summary of what it means to have a misadventure, actually.

We decided that we wanted to get to the “river” that ran close by. Not a difficult goal; it wasn’t far away.

The problem was, about this time, Finn was struck with a startling revelation.

“We’re locked out of the church!”

Finn, who was the only one present who was a member of the church we’ve been using as a setting for our movie, was supposed to carry a key with him so that we could get inside when no one was there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten it in his haste to get outside and have an adventure.

“I thought to ask you, but I figured you would be offended that I was insinuating you were forgetting something that important,” Sherly remarked as he freaked out. His laughed response was, “No, I would’ve been all, “Oh shoot, I forgot the keys!”

The following hour was spent standing beside the river that was our set destination, playing tunes on the ukulele, writing country music (“Once upon a time I cared what people thought, but now my life is a Japanese pop song.“), hearing stories from Marty that we didn’t want to hear, casting celebrities to play our Apocalypse, Pls characters and listening as Finn tried to call someone to come unlock the church.

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Marty also escaped.

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We were swinging on the playground when a car pulled into the parking lot.

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Finn left Sherly and I to sit and have a conversation, a conversation that was, apparently, so enthralling that we didn’t notice him opening and slamming the door behind us for a solid minute.

Shortly after we were readmitted to the church, Sherly had to leave. We went outside to wait for her mother, who was completely, entirely on time. (This is a bit odd to NFPs such as Finn and I.) The last thing we heard from her was incoherent muttering as she crossed the parking lot.

Finn and I made “Lolwut?” faces at each other, then laughed and hurried back to make sure we hadn’t locked ourselves out again.

Antics summary #2: Always ask the question that shouldn’t need asking, because sometimes we NFPs overlook important things when we’re busy doing what we want! 

Current Goal: Go All the Places!

A few weeks ago, entirely on a whim (as the likes of -NFPs operate), I decided to see how long it would take to drive to Toronto from my and my friend’s university.

Several emails and a planner detour to Oklahoma City (to pick up a friend [Sherly] bound for college there) later, we were taking a biking trip that was to take a little over a week solid. A playlist of overwhelmingly awesome quality was created, and it was decided that anyone who argued with the music selection was to be punished with a wheel of their bike being confiscated and their hands being chopped off.

Cruel and unusual punishment? We’re not the American judicial system, you gais. [shakes head]

Although a voice of reason, a very introverted companion of ours (Scout) who pointed out that it would be more cost effective to take a train to New York, or, you know, drive, talked us mostly out of our taxing escapade, the desire to take spontaneous road trips still burns brightly in the  -NFPs’ passionate hearts.

[cue dramatic clutching of chest, victorious music, and an American flag flapping in the background.]

Needless to say, the flames of enthusiasm that smolder within us cannot be extinguished with paltry attempts to point out how completely ludicrous our travel plans are. We are the dreamers of tomorrow, the very spirit of the United States of America, and we shall not be silenced! 

[ahem] No more caffeine for me.

So, yes. We shall travel. We shall see the world (or at least the North American continent, since you can’t drive across oceans yet). We shall do all these things when we like and how we like, because we’re Americans, and Americans are free, man!

[pauses, reads the Nutrition Facts on drink]

What? You’re worried we’ll end up stranded in Winnipeg? Stopped by border control? Arrested for driving over the speed limit or doing any number of other idiotic things that, in general, a person should have the sense not to do in the first place?

Whatever. In the eternal words of our friend Sherly,

We do what we want!