Things Exasperated-Sapphire Says

“So I used a pair of scissors and removed the problem.”

(“You would be honored to have this problem, ;)”)



Finn: Beau’s sweatpants are comfy. 

Sapphire: INORITE!!

(Context: Finn had to borrow sweatpants from Sapphire, who had stolen them from Beau.)

College: A Photo Summary, Year 2

A lot seems to have changed in the year since we began our stint here at UNP. Campus isn’t as intimidating. Sapphire and I are not strangers. Nothing seems as big (or as scary), and in general everything seems a lot less exciting than it did as starry-eyed freshmen reveling in our first tastes of freedom. Of course, that doesn’t mean that amusing things haven’t happened since the college quartet was reunited. Quite the contrary. Some thing, I suppose, never change.


One of my first breakfasts in the dorm. That’s right, you’re seeing that correctly: those are plant phyla and marshmallows. I can’t think of a better combination*. (*This is a lie.)


A tired joke, but I couldn’t help myself while studying functional groups.


The night Sapphire returned, we all gathered in her room to watch a movie. I tried to get a picture of Finn’s satisfied smirk at having stolen Sapphire’s spot, but pictures make him make weird faces.


Fritz, after proving that he cannot behave properly sitting on a bed (“Why are your feet on my pillow?”) or in a char (“If they fine us for the Sheetrock damage, we’re charging you for it.”), was exiled to Sapphire’s desk for the evening, which remains his designated seat to this day.


Finn did this absentmindedly—yes, with his teeth. Sapphire and I persistently attempt to train him out of this.


The Student Secular Alliance has resorted to… interesting tactics.


Conspicuously pasted up in the elevator. Fritz: “Oh myyyyy…”


Finn strikes again.

IMG_0980 IMG_0981

Fritz left his room unlocked one weekend, and the Alliance of Students Against Commonplace Stupidity (Finn and I) decided to teach him a lesson. If you look closely, you may see Dankey Kang with a note penned by Sapphire, who claims she wasn’t otherwise involved. If you look closer, you may see the noxious Lysol fumes rising from every surface.


I still haven’t found my berries!


I attended an Auburn football game with my family one weekend. Natalia and I are the hottest ever.


An attempt Finn, Fritz and I made at baking Sapphire a birthday cake. Yes, it does say, “it 4 U.”


So, campus dining thinks this is necessary…


Finn transforms Sapphire’s fiancé, Beau. Finn’s words exactly: “Smashing!”


At one in the morning, Sapphire and I decided to get mozzarella sticks and Finn came along. While there, Finn taught Sapphire how to use chopsticks. This was the result. And yes, that is Sapphire feeding Finn sweet potato fries with straw-chopsticks while strategically avoiding being captured on camera.

Anyway, these are only a few interesting moments of many that have occurred at UNP, coming from the lucky times I had the foresight to whip out my phone and demand a photo. There are many interesting stories to be told, and many more to be written. After all, my friends live on antics and shenanigans, and, although they don’t understand why I write about such things, I do. You know why?

Of course you do. It’s because I do what I want.