Bios

June Watson

IMG_1195The one who most frequently records her friends’ misadventures, June (that’s me!) is a UNP senior. She’s a former homeschooler who is overly fond of strangers, overenthusiastic displays of patriotism, anime trash, and the em-dash. Currently majoring in biochemistry and minoring in Japanese (although who even knows why she takes some of her electives), she thinks chemistry is magic and loves language with a passion. In her spare time, she writes about aliens, sings in Japanese, and eats the boys’ food. June is known for her extreme affinity for the word “sorry,” which very, very frequently gets her in trouble with Sapphire and Junhi, and her unexplained urge to always contradict Finn, which he claims offends him deeply.

Mediocre Cinnamon Roll (Just Right, Just Edible)

Finn Hooper

IMG_1451A UNP senior along with June, Finn is a male nurse in the making, at least until he gets a better offer. Finn is the most likely to instigate shenanigans, and, while this is often met with irritation (“Wait, how did you get us to Tennessee?”), he gets into trouble so often that he usually knows how to get out of it, too. Someday he might land a job as a film director, a youth pastor, or a host on a reboot of “Ikke Gjør Dette Hjemme,” but in the meantime he’s content with lurking on Reddit, yelling at Junhi to help him clean their apartment, and generally trying to forget that nursing school exists. The percentage of the posts on this blog dedicated to him speaks for his tendency to be entertaining.

Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll (Is A Stale Cinnamon Roll)

Sapphire Aventador

IMG_1032More practical than all of her college friends put together, Sapphire is June’s roommate (well, suitemate) and occasional parent. With sights set on medical school and mind set on (nothing but) biology, she always has something interesting to add to conversation or something hilariously blunt to say. Most who have seen her interact with June, Finn, Fritz and Junhi concede that she is just as much their nanny as a member of their social group. Her patience runs thick and her tolerance runs thin, making her the perfect go-to when levelheadedness is needed. She has been known to school Finn in nursing everything, help June write SciFi, fight with Junhi about science education, swear loudly over trivial things, throw marshmallows across the room, and squee at the sight of cute animals.

Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll (Could Actually Kill You)

Fritz Braun

IMG_1560Apparently adding himself to June and Finn’s friend group entirely on a whim, Fritz is an anthropomorphic cat who usually sees the trouble his friends are about to cause before it gets out of hand… but then goes along with it anyway. As a hardcore nerd who likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer and knows way more about fetishes than any human ever should, his insertions in conversation are often bizarre and always hilarious. Although he has returned to the depths from which he came, the squad still hears from him often—usually in the form of fanfiction excerpts and cat noises.

Looks Problematic (Is A Problematic Cinnamon Roll)

Junhi Focker

IMG_1771Randomly sorted into Room 500 during sophomore year, Junhi is an engineering student and aspiring world dictator with a profane streak (done with an industrial paintbrush). He is an extremely loud and social person who would often get scolded by the other members of the group for shouting highly offensive things from 500’s open windows—although his energy is now spent terrorizing Finn in their apartment. Junhi is the embodiment of most Korean stereotypes, and he gives “approximately zero f***s” at any given time of any given day about anything except for Blizzard games, his computer (read: his firstborn child) and avoiding weeaboo trash (read: watching weeaboo trash).

Looks Problematic (Is Actually A Cinnamon Roll)

Eric Hooper

IMG_1825Less scatterbrained and less mature than his brother Finn, Eric is a college junior along with Scout, albeit at University of Weebs and Engineers. Bizarrely adept at reconciling his logic with his emotions and definitely opinionated, he can be found making arguments, “jokingly” defending his waifu, telling incorrect (and often hilariously offensive) jokes, using “Shrekked,” “spoopy” and “swag” in normal conversation, and generally blaming Finn for taking him on “ruse cruises.” He has an odd fixation with Canada and Japanese entertainment, although he claims he isn’t a weeaboo because “he loves ‘Murica too much.” He’s the only member of the group who can say “swaggy” with a straight face.

Looks Problematic (Is Very Problematic)

Natalia Napier

IMG_1490Younger and sharper sibling to June, Natalia is a senior with her head in the clouds and a cure for the common cold buried somewhere in the back of her mind. She’s moved away from home and is rarely heard from, but there are rumors that she is slowly accumulating an army of engineers and chemists. Although she is airheaded, hotheaded and red-headed, it is often said by people who know her  that she is a scatterbrained genius (with a blonde streak). Her pastimes include correcting people, arguing for the sake of arguing, fangirling over the Joker, and doing a good Internet impression. She likes food more than she does people.

Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll (Could Actually Kill You)

Sherly Holmes

IMG_2731Now living in Oklahoma, hilariously sarcastic Sherly is a voice of reason that used to keep the NFPs from falling victim to many untimely and potentially painful deaths. Sherly is a born academic, and she spends her time doing productive things, such as writing stories and studying engineering, and “productive things” such as playing Pathfinder and Tumbling down Tumblr. We are told that she now frequents coffee shops, texts in meme and troubleshoots computer problems for her friends at uni. She once played a starring role in a film of the group’s creation—her character was kidnapped by a psychopathic Englishman who wished to give her DNA to aliens. Now her most prominent internet presence is on Tumblr, where she reblogs a hodgepodge of interesting and hilarious things.

Looks Like She Could Kill You (Could Actually Kill You)

Scout Van Fleit

IMG_3819The youngest of the group, Scout is a junior in college and can be simultaneously the nicest and the scariest person her friends know. She has eccentric taste in music and plays instruments such as the ukulele and glockenspiel. She’s also a vegan, which makes her the subject of Scott Pilgrim jokes (and which almost got her kicked out of 500 on principle). Scout is known for her whimsical ambitions (Majoring in being a fairy? I want to.) and her contagious mannerisms and idiolect (“This is real weird you guys.” “Ew, homework is gross.” “Just a lil’ ghost!”). She now keeps the company of a lot of anime nerds that June wishes she could hang out with. Also, it’s impossible not to love her.

Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll (Could Actually Kill You)

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